HOLLYWOOD POLAROIDS

Sunday

AssHOLE OF THE WEEK: Teila Tequila wifey from hell shows off her greasy, pimply singapore sling


She's sprawled naked across the Internet, played a bisexual babe for reality TV, even tweets every part of her life, from miscarriages to marriage proposals.

Now online fameball Tila Tequila thinks she has the ultimate shot at stardom: turning a short-term and high-profile engagement to troubled heiress Casey Johnson into celebrity mommyhood by claiming she wants to adopt Ava, 3, the adopted daughter of her late "wifey."

Tequila's ghoulish grieving-widow act has put her at odds with the powerful Johnson clan, which made sure she was excluded from the family funeral -- and even turned stomachs among some of her fans and former friends. But for those who've followed Tila's self-propelled rise, her outrageousness is nothing new.

Tequila, born Tila Nguyen in Singapore to Vietnamese parents, has built herself a cult following of rabid fans with just those kind of attention-grabbing antics.

Doe eyed and wasp waisted, she's leveraged her loose sexuality and exotic appearance into Web stardom -- and along the way established a blueprint for a certain type of celebrity that requires nothing but a taste for notoriety and self-exploitation.

But that's the old Tequila, the diminutive dish told The Post. Today's Tequila is all about marriage and family -- the type of relationship she claims to have had with drug-addled Johnson, even though the two only met a few days before they announced their engagement.

"I think media are confusing the Tila of 10 years ago with the Tila of today," the curvy, 4-foot-7 temptress said.

"I haven't had, like, a major, major project that will make you forget about 'Shot of Love,' " Tequila added, referring to her 2007 reality show, which had the bisexual looking for amore among 16 men and women competing for her affection.

"People keep tracking back to that and my Playboy photos of 10 years ago. They judge me off that, as opposed to what I am today: a 28-year-old woman who is ready to start a family."

It's unlikely, however, to be with Ava, the little girl adopted by Casey Johnson from Kazakhstan.

Although Tequila says her "wifey" wanted Ava to be in her hands, she knows it's a long shot.

"That's what Casey would have wanted, but without her being here, it's a lot of work on my own and hard to win," she said. "I'm not irrational."

There are as many versions of Tila Tequila floating around in the blogosphere as there are fans who gobble up everything she says -- and sells -- online: 1.7 million and counting on her MySpage page.

Lately, Tequila has taken to depicting herself as a tough, streetwise girl who overcame impossible odds to live the American dream.

"In little spurts of statements, you [get] a glimpse of my sad childhood," the doll-like Tequila tweeted last week.

"PPL thought cuz I was little that I couldn't fight back . . . they were WRONG! 4 real! Imma Ninja!" she wrote.

Tequila, who moved to Houston with her parents in the '80s, had a conservative upbringing. Her rebellious spirit led to her joining a Mexican gang, she claims, after serving a stint in juvenile detention. It was the Mexican gang that nicknamed her Tila Tequila, she says.

"My Mexican family [gangsters] gamme dat name after I couldnt drink with them! LMAO! I will never forget it. From my ex-gang bangin days! So u see? I went from gang-banger, juvenile criminal 2 changing my life around & now living the dream in HOLLYWOOD! If I can do it SO CAN U!"

But back in the day, before she became a Web wonder with stories to sell, Tequila never mentioned such rough patches. She was just another pretty, 18-year-old, Asian woman determined to be famous -- it didn't really matter for what -- when she arrived in Los Angeles in the late 1990s.

Her profile started to rise in 2002, when Playboy made her a Cyber Girl, and her fembot beauty soon had fans voting for her as Cyber Girl of the Month. More magazine pictorial offers began to flow in, and a year later, reality TV came calling.

In 2003, she signed up to be a contestant on VH1's "Surviving Nugent," a short-lived show that had buxom girls competing for the approval of aging rock star Ted Nugent. Tequila didn't win, but it earned her a gig on Fuse TV as a host for "Pants-Off Dance-Off," which had contestants stripping to music videos.

Tequila was famously kicked off Friendster, an early social-networking site, for having too many friends. It was then that the Web star cut a deal with MySpace, setting up the interactive site Tila's Hotspot, which soon boasted over a million "friends."

By 2007, her cybercelebrity was big enough for MTV to sign her for "Shot of Love," the reality dating show that made the most of her buxom bisexuality.

Tequila signed on for a second season but hasn't done much since then except promote herself on the Web and market her iTunes songs, including "Suga Mama" and "Stripper Friends," which she lets fans download from her MySpace page for a fee.

Her return to the limelight since Johnson's death has given Tequila's fans a chance to reconnect with her, she said yesterday.

"I was on TV the other day, and [the host] was ready to attack me and make me look like a fool. But after America watched it, I think all of America just fell in love with me again," Tequila said.

She said she's suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder and trying get over the "mean things" the Johnson family said to her.

But she still hopes for great things in her future.

"I'm trying to become the ambassador to Vietnam," Tequila said. "I know that sounds like a stretch, but everybody's dream can come true if you really believe it."

Tila talks

'[Casey’s] last wish was tohave Ava, have me have Ava. Casey’s not resting in peace right now. She has come to me in my dreams.'

'R.I.P. CASEY NGUYEN . . . R.I.P. my Angel. That’s the last I will speak of this. Meet me in the Grape Soda Waterfalls in my dream.'

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